Love or Obligation?

It's been forever since I've posted here. Very briefly, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the true meaning of being Catholic and how exactly to live out a Catholic life. I've also been considering the various Church teachings and whether or not I truly agree with them. I want to be able to still think for myself and not just blindly follow the Church, but wholeheartedly agree with it.

Anyways, I just had a random thought I wanted to explore and that is the obligation of Sunday mass compared to the optional daily masses. Here's my question: should Catholics be going to mass on Sunday out of obligation or out of love for Christ? I think it has become far too common that people attend mass because they feel forced to go and may even slightly resent that rule. I know I did back in high school; I used to fight my parents when they would drag me to mass. It shouldn't be that way though. We should want to attend mass out of the love we have for Christ. Why is mass obligatory on Sunday's and not weekdays (except for the occasional Holy Day of Obligation)? Why is mass obligatory at all? I mean, I understand the importance of attending mass, but I think we should emphasize love over obligation. I think it comes down to the difference of "have to" versus "get to". Mass should be something all people get to attend; both to show love for Christ through worship, scripture, and sacrifice, then through receiving graces through the Holy Eucharist.

Another question on my mind has been about the ultimate goal of my life, which is to go to Heaven upon my eventual death. I've been wondering about the possibility of a person going to Heaven, while doing the minimal 'requirements' of being Catholic. Now, I know I should be striving for holiness and doing the most I can during my time on Earth, but what if a person went to mass only on Sundays and never daily mass? Hypothetically, why then should a person go to daily mass as well, if that person would get to Heaven anyways? Would it be similar to extra credit with God? How does God really decide a person's fate (heaven, hell, or purgatory)? Thinking about it logically, I suppose it would be based on the person's heart and the reasons they did not attend daily mass. God would probably be harsher on a person who skipped mass out of laziness than a person who could not attend due to health, or transportation reasons. Then again, not going to daily mass isn't a mortal sin, which is where I start questioning. The Eucharist is the source and summit of Christian life, everything we do flows from it, so I guess I'm wondering why so few people seem to go during the week. Shouldn't daily mass have equal importance to Sunday mass?

This is just something I've been pondering lately and striving to get myself back to wanting to pursue holiness. Recently, my mindset has been that I want to try things my way, which, in my distorted, sinful view, has appeared easier than following God. I've had to force myself to go to mass, I've almost fallen back into the "mass is boring" trap. I need to remember that it doesn't matter if I find mass boring or if there is something else I'd rather be doing. It's not about me, it's about Christ who comes to me and everyone through the mass.

Catholicism and the Hollywood Industry

Okay, finally writing my first official post! I apologize for the extended wait, but I started this blog right at the end of summer where I was preoccupied with a trip to the east coast to visit relatives, getting ready to head back to college, then once I got back to Bradley, I was super busy with the Newman Center student leader retreat, "welcome week", and starting classes. Phew! But, I've finally had time to give some thought to my first post.

For quite some time now, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I can reconcile watching certain shows and movies that openly go against several Catholic teachings, especially sex outside of marriage. Hollywood/the entertainment industry is ridiculously sex-obsessed. Confession time, the three shows I watch on a regular basis are Glee, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory. They are not entirely evil shows and do have some redeeming qualities. However, I cringe whenever sex comes up on those shows. I start wondering whether I should be watching them or if I am just filling my mind with impurities.  Looking at an examination of conscience pamphlet, I find one of the questions asking, "Did I deliberately look at impure television, internet, plays, pictures, or movies?" Now, I realize, it is probably mostly relating to pornography, yet I feel that watching shows that promote the "sexual revolution" is probably not a whole lot better. I think I have justified it in the past with the notion that as long as I myself don't have pre-martial sex or act the way the characters do, then it is okay for me to watch shows like those as a way of relaxing. If you know me, you know that I LOVE relaxing and watching TV. It is not easy for me to contemplate the realities of what it means for me watch shows involving sex.

Moreover, Christ did not call us to be Catholic only during Mass and then afterwards, be free to do whatever we please. Nope. He set out guidelines that have now been compiled in the Catechism of the Catholic Church that all Catholics are expected to follow, otherwise facing committing a mortal sin, cutting yourself off from Jesus. My question is does that mean that Catholics should only watch EWTN? Is it wrong/a sin to watch secular shows depicting pre-martial sex?

This all came up earlier when I was with some Catholic friends deciding on a movie to watch. The movie chosen ended up being Easy A, which is about a high school girl who starts a false rumor that she lost her virginity to a college guy. Two major sins are depicted in this film: the spreading of gossip and the notion that being a virgin is a bad thing. Umm, NO! Christ called everyone to be chaste and remain virgins until marriage! I don't care if you do not agree with it or do not like it, that does not change Christ's TRUTH. You can argue why it should be okay to have sex outside marriage all you want, but your opinion cannot change the Truth of Christ. Anyways, it upset me to see my Catholic friends who are active with their faith through the Newman Center, turning a blind eye to the sins in this movie. One thing I never want to have happen again to me is to grow lukewarm or indifferent towards Jesus and His teachings. I don't want to be "whatever" about them or disagree with Him. I'm pretty sure I would lose any argument with Jesus, so it is pointless to even try to change His mind, actually, it simply makes zero sense to ever attempt to change God's mind.

I believe that Christ is calling EVERY PERSON to embrace Him through Catholicism as He intended it from the beginning to be the one true Church on Earth. Therefore, no one should be exempt from the consequences of sin. Shouldn't we be allowing Christ to permeate every aspect, every second of our lives? Why should we submit to the sexual culture that Hollywood is trying to spread?

I've had friends tell me that I'm too sheltered and ridicule me for being too uptight about my faith life. I keep myself sheltered because I feel that is how I can best live out my Catholic life. I am a very wholesome, moral person who is on fire for Christ. I refuse to apologize for that! I am sick of hearing that my shelteredness is a bad thing. But, if it prevents me from committing sins, then how is that bad?

Catholicism, Jesus should be evident in every moment of our lives. Now, I'm not perfect, I'm broken, I still sin in my own various ways. Yet, I try my absolute best to be conscious of my sins and aware of what could lead me into sin. It doesn't always work, I get caught up in things, have many moments of weakness and mess up. That doesn't mean I should use my human brokenness as an excuse to sin anyways. We are supposed to avoid sin as much as we can. So why be indifferent to Jesus and our faith? I really want to know!

God bless!

Discovering Catholicism

My Journey to the True Catholic Faith

I was born into a Catholic family, making me yet another cradle Catholic. Growing up, my family did not openly discuss religion all that much. I can remember that my mom used to say some prayers with me at night when I was just a little kid and had no clue what the "Our Father" or "Hail Mary" were about. It was just part of my bedtime routine. To this day, my dad still never speaks about God, even though he is Catholic and goes to mass most Sundays. Thus, I was raised to think that religion was a very private, personal matter, not to be discussed much with others.

I attended a Catholic school for 9 years (kindergarten-8th grade) where I learned all the basics of Catholicism, but had no real understanding of it. Mass was something my parents dragged me to every Sunday morning and I found it incredibily boring. It seemed like it was the same readings every week and the priest always gave homilies that were way over my head. The Eucharist was more of a ritual for me, I never realized that I was receiving Jesus every week.

I chose to attend a public high school because I was sick of Catholic school by that point, especially wearing uniforms. Plus, I always felt weird going to Catholic school since I was the only one from my neighborhood friends who went there. At first, high school was refreshing for me, I could wear whatever I wanted (even comfy pajama pants)! I still went to my parish's Confirmation-prep program for high schoolers (at the time, Confirmation occured during junior year of HS now it's in 8th grade for my diocese).

I got a little more into the Catholic faith with the youth ministry program, however, it was for all the wrong reasons. We had a really cool youth minister, young, energetic, and a real friend to all the teens in the program. He even created an evening "teen mass" (similar to those LifeTeen masses) at my church where he gave the homilies each week. At the time, I loved it, since his homilies actually related to the lives of teenagers and weren't super over my head. He even got some musicians to play more upbeat, rock, praise & worship music for mass, which I liked way more than those usual church hymns. So for the first two years of high school, I was super involved with the youth ministry; I even went on a mini-mission trip for a week!

Then, during the spring of my sophomore year of high school, I got the disappointing news that the incredible youth minister I had come to love was leaving his job to be able to spend more time with his two kids. I was absolutely devastated at the time. I knew the youth ministry program would not be the same without him. So began the downfall of my church life. I still finished up the Confirmation-prep program and even got Confirmed my junior year of high school. Although, looking back, I now realize it was not the right time for me to have received that powerful Sacrament. I didn't have the true understanding of that Sacrament or of Catholicism at all. The way my mom explained it to me was that it was the Catholic version of the Jewish bat mitzvah, basically that it was the Sacrament that made me an adult in the Church and I could start making my own decisions about my faith life. We had a really terrible youth minister that year and I had already gone back to dreading mass each Sunday, back to the boring homilies. So, I was like "sweet, I decide NOT to go to mass" after I got Confirmed (side note: this is really hard for me to write and look back on how wrong I was). I think I went to mass only a few times between my Confirmation in the spring of my junior year of high school all the way until the fall of my freshman year of college; I'm getting to that, be patient :)

Senior year of high school, I started going to this Protestant bible study/youth group called Young Life. Despite the ups & downs of me not liking mass and other parts of Catholicism, I at least always had some belief in God. I really enjoyed YoungLife; it met twice a week. Monday nights were the smaller, more intimate bible studies where they would choose a topic related to high school and somehow find corresponding bible passages. Wednesday nights were the big club nights where we'd sing songs (some Christian, some pop), there would be a hilarious skit, some ridiculous game or activity, and then one of the leaders would give a talk about God. Then, over the summer, I went to a weeklong camp in Minnesota. It was super fun, I have to admit. Ziplines, rafting, parasailing, kayaking, laying on the beach, super fun games, etc. Every night, there would be a talk about God and then we'd talk more in small groups. I remember at that point being really mixed up about religion. For the past year, I had just considered YoungLife to be my religion, I mean, we talked about God and read the bible, wasn't that enough? I think deep down I knew it wasn't. It was at that camp that I finally just prayed. I told God how mixed up I was, I didn't know if I should be Catholic or just leave the Church and be Protestant. I asked Him to show me which was right.

I didn't get my answer immediately, but I did get it sooner than I thought. That August, I left home for college at Bradley University. I had NO idea what to expect there. I was not even sure college was right for me since I have never been that strong of a student. However, I really wanted to at least try college and see what it was like, I thought, maybe just maybe it could work out. I had previously heard about the Newman Center, but I didn't really think it was for me. I thought everyone there would be like super holy and praying all the time or something.

However, it was on Monday, August 24, 2009 that everything started coming together for me. That day, the Newman Center had its annual cookout where there's hot dogs, burgers, chips, cookies, pop enough for 1000 people. So, I decided to check it out. I didn't really know many people at college yet besides the girls on my dorm floor, but they didn't really seem interested in going. I went alone, which was really scary for me. There was a long line of people outside Newman, so I joined the line, scared to death because everyone else seemed to know other people and I felt very alone. I just waited in the line, finally getting into the Newman Center to get food. I got my food, then went out to the parking lot where lots of tables were set up and people were all eating. It was like the typical first day of high school where I was the girl all alone wondering where I should sit. I chose a table and just listened to the conversation going on. I wasn't really interested in what the people were talking about, so I just ate my food quietly. Then, we went back inside. I got a tour of the Newman Center and was like "oh well, this seems kinda nice". Then, we went back into the main room called the "cafe" and sat on the really comfy couches. Then, a girl walked by wearing a "Newman Runners" t-shirt. After the youth ministry at my church fell apart in high school, I randomly, on a complete whim, started running & joined the Cross Country team for my final two years of high school. So, I was really into running by that point, so I asked Sarah about her shirt and she was like, "oh, it's this running group we have at Newman, I'll go get Jon Holland who is kinda the head of it". Then, Jonathon walks in, we start talking about running and I get really excited. The chaplain, Father Brownsey walks in, and spontaneously decides to do a daily mass. At first, people are like "um, we just ate" referring to the hour-fast before Communion, but he's intent on having mass and gives everyone a dispensation from the fast. It was the feast of St. Bartholomew, which actually turned out to be very important. In his homily, Father Brownsey as he often likes to do, picks one of the Newman regulars to friendly tease. This time, it was a person who is now one of my closest friends as well as a seminarian! At the time, he was just a senior in college. Father B. picked him because he had recently started going by his real name, Will, after being known as "Merlin" for a long time. Apparently St. Bartholomew was also known as Nathaniel, hence the tie-in. Afterwards, I asked someone about Will/Merlin because I was intrigued by someone having two names, especially when one of the names is Merlin.

So, in the first few weeks of college, I slowly got more hooked on Newman. I started running with Jonathon a lot, I loved having a running buddy. He was such a blessing, in how much he helped me get better with my running and get me back on track with religion and my faith life. I found more and more to like about Newman. It was a great place for me to go to study and just hang out as I got to be friends with the regulars. God was slowly leading me back, although I did not realize it at the time. I started going to mass again, even started going to Newman's daily masses at 9 PM. Father B. gave beautiful homilies, appropriate for college students, and explained Catholicism in a way I had never heard before. I also started going to Adoration, which Newman offered every Tuesday from 9-9. What really did it was the Koinonia retreat that Newman has every fall and spring. One of my favorite parts was the teaching mass, where Father B. went through and explained every part of the mass, that, along with all the other student talks I heard, sealed me into the faith. Oh yeah, I also made my first Confession in I have no clue how many years.

I started getting really into the Catholic faith. It wasn't just that I loved the Newman Center, with its comfy couches, big screen TV or that I had made a ton of amazing friendships. While both of those things are plenty true even to this day, I got more intrigued by Jesus and the fullness of Catholicism. It just all started clicking and making sense. I even started regularly altar serving at both the student masses at Newman on Sunday nights as well as at the Cathedral, which I am so blessed to have just 5 minutes from campus.

Now, going into my Junior year of college, I am ON FIRE for Christ! I love everything about Catholicism, I keep wanting to read more and more about it. I'm working my way up to the smart guys like St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa. Right now, I'm blown away by Matthew Kelly's books! I also have a huge admiration of Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. He started out altar serving at the Cathedral in the Diocese of Peoria, which is where I regularly serve! Pretty cool! Plus, I found videos of his TV show, "Life is Worth Living" on YouTube, I am in awe of him. Bishop Jenky (bishop of Peoria) is head of the Cause for Canonization of Archbishop Sheen. So, I'm incredibly excited to be witnessing that progress and would LOVE to see Archbishop Sheen canonized someday!!
I'm super involved at the Newman Center, it is my absolute favorite place to be while I'm at college. I am so blessed to have a small, cozy chapel where I can go to pray or just de-stress whenever I need to. God has blessed me with some absolutely incredible friends and it has even lead indirectly to my first on campus job. I'm an English major, so I love writing (that's probably obvious by now). I'm going to be helping out with the Bradley alumni magazine! Although I was referred there by an English professor, I think it helped being Catholic and being involved at Newman because the lady in charge is also Catholic and thinks highly of the Newman Center. So, I'm super pumped for that; I get to proofread articles, I love proofreading!!! haha yes I am an English nerd and a huge Catholic nerd.

I'm home for the summer and that hasn't stopped my faith life. There's a perpetual Adoration chapel just 10 minutes from my house, so Jesus is definitely a really good friend of mine. It's awesome, especially since I don't have a ton of friends back at home, but I know I can ALWAYS count on Jesus to be available! I got involved with an Adoration group called Spirit & Truth and have gone to a few of my home diocese's Theology on Taps. Plus, I'm working on a talk that I'll be giving on this fall's Koinonia retreat on the Sacraments!

Now, I'm nowhere near perfect, although my faith life is so much better than it ever was. I now have a true understanding of Catholicism and the Church's teachings. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with them from time to time. My broken sinful nature also causes me to get frustrated at times. I uphold the Friday penance (not necessairly meat, but I know I should do something), however, when Friday rolls around, sometimes, I don't always feel like doing a penance, so I'm still battling against that. However, I am eternally grateful to God who has been very patient with me, as I've struggled through this whole religion & faith thing.

So, cool story of how God has had a plan with my life! Short side story, then I'll be done: after the demise of the youth ministry at my church, I knew I had to find another activity for myself. I decided on Cross Country because the girls coach was my government teacher at the time my youth minister announced he was leaving. I really liked Iverson (the coach), so I asked him about Cross Country. Now, this is funny because, I had NEVER run before. He told me I should be able to run for 30 consecutive minutes by the time the running camp started in June. So, I worked my butt off, having absolutely no clue what I was doing. But, in just a month by May, I was able to somewhat run for 30 minutes. The camp started and I worked and slowly became a runner. I had an incredible first season going from 28 minutes for a 3 mile race to 24.5 minutes by the end of the season! Looking back now, I realized God had a plan for me all along. He led me towards running, which eventually lead me to Newman because that's what originally got me was the Newman Runners. I even got to do a half marathon with them in April of my freshman year down in Louisville, KY. However, I'm now more of a casual runner, going out about 2-3 times a week. Eventually, I'll probably start doing some races again and my ultimate goal is the marathon. I still love running, now I try to do it to glorify God.

So, that's my story. It ain't finished yet though; I am continously striving towards holiness. I fall and I sin a lot and I have many weaknesses I want to overcome. However, I have hope in the Lord and trust He'll lead me on my way through this thing called life.

God bless!